I'm always hearing about some actress or another who books a great location job. An acting gig that involves traveling to some fabulous and romantic location - Europe, South America, a cruise. It's one of the best perks of our business, actually getting paid to travel. And I'm telling you, we get treated well - first class plane tickets, all expenses paid. Very cool.
But in all of my 25 or so years as a working actress, with the exception of two months I spent in Israel back in 1989, I have only booked the most pathetic location jobs imaginable. Palmdale. Which is the meth capital of California. I think they put me up at a Motel 6. Riverside, California. Slight upgrade to a Holiday Inn. And I was flown twice, yes, twice, to...Minneapolis. In the middle of winter. Sad. That was the extent of my location jobs.
Today, I am flying to shoot a commercial in...Spain. Yes, it's true!! At this very moment, I am sitting in my first class seat enjoying my wifi and a glass of complementary champagne. Hehehehehe! I'm so excited I'm about to bust. I'm flying from LA to New York, then changing planes and heading across the Atlantic (I've got an Ambien burning a hole in my pocket) and in the morning I'll be in Madrid. I then have THREE days off before I shoot for one day, and then head home. Can you stand it?
What commercial is it? I don't think I'm supposed to say. They didn't make me sign a non-disclosure agreement or anything, but it's kind of a no-no to blab about unaired commercials on social media. Suffice it to say, it's a pharmaceutical company, and I will be talking about my pain, which I no longer have because I use their drug. I'm telling you, these pharmaceutical companies have ALL the money in the world. I know how much they paid for these plane tickets, and it would have paid for Jude's private school for a year! And the craziest part is that they're not even shooting me out and about enjoying the sites of Spain. I'm in an office. They could have shot this thing in...Palmdale. But somebody at the drug company, or the ad agency must have wanted a trip to Europe, and damn if I didn't luck out!
But this was not the first part of my adventure. Oh no. Last week, they flew me to New York for A DAY for a WARDROBE FITTING. Because they don't have clothes in LA or Spain. (Where's that sarcasm font when I need it?) They flew me first class to NYC and put me up at a rather ritzy hotel down in the Meatpacking District, which is the in/hip area of the city right now. The wardrobe fitting took all of 2 hours.
I felt slightly bad about missing Jude's school's annual fundraiser/live auction, but guess where I went when I was in New York? To my friend Lannyl's kid's school's annual fundraiser/live auction! Is that crazy? It just happened to be that her school's party was the night I got to NY, and she and her husband have a band, a group of parent-musicians, and they were playing the party. I have to say, I had always thought that Jude's school's community was pretty fancy schmancy, and the bids in the auction were outrageous. But we are NOTHING compared to these Manhattan families! Turns out we're not fancy schmancy, we're just plain fancy. These folks were paying $48,000 for pieces of art! And I thought $50 for a Hello Kitty gift basket was a good auction bid.
I am hoping that Jimmy and Jude will be fine without me. I have written out ridiculously detailed instructions with a full calendar for the kid and a full page of phone numbers of friendly moms if they need help. Jimmy seems confident. Jude, however, suggested that when I get home I'll find Jimmy sprawled on the sofa dead of dehydration, and Jude dead on the floor of the kitchen, his arms outstretched as he was crawling his way to the refrigerator (he acted all this out with great aplomb), with Fancy eating his leg. Wish them luck.
Oh, I'd better go. The flight attendant has just taken away my hot towel, and is bringing me my beef tenderloin. I think I'll just adjust my seat and turn on the massage feature. Teeheehee. I'll check back in from Spain.